As you know if you’ve been following my blog over the past several months, I’ve been trying to find out what kind of special powers or abilities my wedding ring has granted me. I’ve been really eager to take my official place in the League of Married Gentlemen!
I can finally say that I’ve discovered my special ability, and it’s incredible: I have the power to create life.
Yes, it’s true. There is, right now, a new human being growing inside my wife, and it’s my doing. I’m a hero!
I’m thrilled. Couldn’t be happier. This is better than super speed or strength, the ability to fly, telekinesis… Anything. I’m going to be a daddy!
We’re due in early April, and so excited. Our families are excited, too. For my parents, it’ll be the first grandchild, and for Larissa’s parents it’s their third.
Now I just have to think of a good superhero name to go with my newfound power. Any suggestions?
This weekend Larissa and I spent some time at her family’s newly renovated cabin (or I guess we’re supposed to call it the “lake house” now) at Hatzic Lake, visiting with family and friends. While we were there, I decided to take the opportunity to explore a couple of potential ring powers that were suggested to me by Twitter followers.
My friend Andrew, who is himself a married man, recommended that I check whether my wedding ring has granted me any powers of animal empathy. This seemed like a real possibility, since my latest discovery had suggested some potential psychic abilities. In addition, @mikerpenny figured I might as well test for vegetable empathy at the same time. It never hurts to be thorough.
On Sunday morning, I went kayaking out on the lake with my brother-in-law, Darren. A bald eagle was circling high overhead. I took the opportunity to focus all of my mental energy on it, willing the bird to open itself up to me. I suggested that it fly down and hang out for a bit, so we could get to know each other better. I don’t think I got through to it, though: it just looped around for a bit, then flew away. So much for animal empathy. Further evidence: none of my psychic pleading seemed to sway the mosquitoes in the slightest. ITCHY ITCHY.
I chose to interpret “vegetable empathy” as referring to a connection with plant life in general, not just with carrots, beans, and broccoli. I found the opportunity to explore this line of abilities on Sunday afternoon, while playing with my niece, Adalia. We were chasing each other across the lawn, and I was using the time in-between the frequent chaser/chasee role reversals to cast my mind out amongst the vegetation, searching for an empathic connection.
I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going, and when I brought my attention back to what was in front of me, I saw a big fallen tree, partially uprooted but still fighting and growing. I figured if I couldn’t pick up some emotion from that barely living heap of inspirational tragedy, I wasn’t going to be able to connect to anything ever.
I squinted and grimaced and subvocalized and rubbed my temples and got nothing at all.
Apparently I’m just not all that empathic, not psychically so, anyways. Scratch a couple more options off the list.
Despite my failures, later that evening I did end up learning something very interesting. Some of our married friends were visiting, and one of the ladies–Larissa’s friend Megan–revealed that over the last few years, she had been having a hard time seeing certain things. Specifically, her mind seemed to be filtering out anything ugly.
I’ve been wondering why I hadn’t heard anything about the effects of wedding rings on married women. I mean, men have a League and everything. Now I’m thinking it might be because while men get special powers and abilities, women’s wedding rings may take away some of their prior capabilities. Other than the ability to see ugly things, how else might wedding rings affect the women who wear them? Physical weakness? Forgetfulness? This opens up a whole new line of enquiry!
As always, I’ll let you know what else I’m able to discover as my explorations continue.
You may be wondering what that was all about. So I’m going to tell you.
Today I was doing some thinking about finding my League of Married Gentlemen ring power. Until now, I haven’t made much progress. My latest approach is to be more proactive in testing myself in certain ways.
Larissa and I put together a little picnic today and went to sit in the sun at the Government House, where BC’s lieutenant governor lives. The Government House sits in the middle of several acres of beautiful gardens and paths, with a great view of the ocean and the Olympic Mountain range.
While we were there, I attempted a little bit of psychic communing. I heard from one of my friends who holds a fairly prestigious position in the League that warm sunshine and relaxation are very important factors in attuning your mind to the inner and outer workings of the infinite cosmos (or some kind of mumbo jumbo like that). It seemed kind of hokey, but what do I know?
I thought of a number between 1 and 100, and I sent that thought out into the universe. Then I invited people to think of their own numbers between 1 and 100, and waited to see if there was anyone out there who had picked up my signal.
I “broadcasted” the number 47, and apparently Kristal Sawyer, my cousin-in-law, received my message, so it looks like she and I are psychically attuned or something…
I feel like I finally have a real lead, which is pretty exciting, and I’m sure Kristal is excited, too. We’re not entirely sure where to go from here, but we’ll work out the details in time. It’s enough, for now, to know that we have a starting point.
Oh, and the picnic lunch was really nice and warm and relaxing, too.
It’s possible I’ve come across a lead in my quest to uncover the powers granted to me by my recently acquired wedding ring, but I’m actually kind of hoping I haven’t, because if I have, then my power is super lame.
Prepared the powerpoint file with the lyrics for worship in church tomorrow,
Marked a final exam,
Brought out the compost, and
Written this blog post.
I also intend to do an initial analytical pass through one of the interviews for my thesis research. Coding is fun!
As far as I’m concerned, that list makes this a decently productive kind of day.
Maybe productivity is one of the abilities granted to me by my new wedding ring. I’ll have to do some searching through the League of Married Gentlemen’s databases and see if anyone has ever been granted increases to productivity before. Seems kind of mundane for a ring power, but who am I to judge?
If it is my ring power, it’s only showing up in brief spurts, here and there. I’ll have to put some work into harnessing it. There’s all kinds of potential for irony in that scenario…
Last weekend, my wife and I travelled to Nanaimo to visit with my parents. During that trip I observed some things that may suggest a new affinity for dead animals. Could this be the new power my wedding ring is granting me?
The first clue was when we got in the car and noticed that a ladybug had landed on the windshield. As we pulled out, it hung on. I wanted to see how long it would stay, so I kept my eye on it during the drive.
Several minutes later, we made it to the highway, and before long we encountered our first roadkill. Then we found some more. And some more. Over the course of the ninety-minute drive we spotted at least four separate instances of roadkill, at least two-and-a-half of which were raccoons. (The rest were unidentifiable).
During the drive, I kept peeking at our ladybug friend, and he (or she?) was doing great, holding on for dear life at speeds of over 100 km/h. I was really impressed.
Until we arrived and got out of the car, and I approached him for congratulations and a photo op and discovered that he was dead.
Based on these experiences, I’m wondering if the power of my ring might not be related to animal death. That could be interesting. A little weird, though. What would it allow me to do? Maybe talk to animal ghosts? Avenge them? See their deaths before they happen?
It’s intriguing, for sure. Not necessarily my first choice, but I’m going to keep this avenue of exploration open.
Of course, our trip involved plenty of still-living animals, too, so maybe it’s just an animal thing in general, and isn’t related to their “life status.”
I’m not sure about any of this yet. Time–and alert observation–will tell.
Ever since I got married on April 30 and first put on my wedding ring, thereby joining the prestigious League of Married Gentlemen, I’ve been diligently watching and waiting for my new powers to manifest themselves. As noted in this previous post, so far there’s been nothing doing.
I’ve realized I’m probably going to have to pay closer attention. Maybe my ring’s powers are more subtle than I had expected. So I’ve begun cataloguing relevant events and experiences. Hopefully this data will provide me with clues that will help me unravel the mystery of my as yet unknown abilities.
Today I gathered some strong evidence that my wrist strength and agility haven’t been positively affected. I played a couple of sets of tennis with my brother, Jordan, and he defeated me handily, with scores of 6-1, 6-3. That’s hardly conclusive, but it is suggestive. I think I’ll focus my attention elsewhere for now.
I’ll keep you posted as new patterns emerge. I’m going to solve this thing.